In this blog I want to look at the point of the male ego, and the reason for this is that I want to really get to the core of how to Love thy Neighbor as Thyself, because a resistance that I have found quite fascinating to look at, is the resistance to “be aware in every moment of every breath of the abuse that is taking place in this world”, the acceptance of such abuse is only possible if I am participating in the creation of such abuse, and therefore, it is necessary to walk the constructs in which the value is placed in separation of life, because as long as there is separation from life, the interest will be in the values separated from life, and within that, my attention will be in separation of life because it is focused to the values in which I have placed worth, disregarding life completely, therefore, I will be walking the personality of the male ego, to be able to get out of the illusion that is creating a picture that is like a veil that have blinded completely the awareness that I am
For this blog, I will use Veno forgiveness on the male ego as the basis to direct me within my writings, and within that, to expand in every possible way over the points that are going to be cumming within the application of forgiveness
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to define myself according to the ego of the mind.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that I am the ego of the mind.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to participate in the ego of the mind to have the energetic emotional experience of satisfaction every time that I experience resistance towards any point of responsibility in which I have seen myself existing in self dishonesty
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to utilize the ego of the mind to define myself as to hide the insecurities, fear and inferiority I experience within me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately go into the imagination and the ego to have the energetic experience within myself which allows me to hide me from me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I was able to hide me from me through creating imaginary pictures in my mind in which I defined and related an experience that I defined as me, not recognizing that when I was seeing myself going into such experiences to create a different experience of how I was really experiencing me, I was seeing my fear and my dishonesty and I allowed me to defined that as me, not realizing that when I allowed me to go into the dishonesty trying to create another picture to make a form of “proud of such definition” or whatever, I defined me as the dishonesty and within that what I didn’t comprehend is that I was not seeing me, but I allowed myself to believe that what I was seeing was really me, and that is why I separated for a moment from my process, in the inconsistency of postponing my writings and postponing to read the blogs of other destonians, taking things personally and so on.
I realize that my participation on the male ego as the act of self dishonesty has been deliberate, as I already see and realize where are the points in which I resist to take self responsibility for what exist within me, cause in every reaction, thought, emotion, feeling, there is an energetic charge that must be generated from something, so that I am able to have and hide that which I resist which is an act of self dishonesty and therefore it is the very veil that I have allowed to blind me from what is going on in me and within this world
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone the application of forgiveness which implies also the corrective application of living the self forgiveness to be able to really forgive myself, lol, there was a lot of moments in which I asked to myself: but why is it that it sounds like I am not really forgiving myself? Obviously because in the moment that I allowed myself to not live it as self trust, trust in myself that I am really forgiving myself because I am changing, but I didn’t changed, and I mean, I also didn’t required to watch the old videos or my old writings, I knew that I didn’t changed, because I allowed the fear to direct me, and within that what happened was that in the beginning I didn’t saw that when I was trying to share the message with the people, I was trying to convince them and you know, I became a little bit frustrated, and I said that I didn’t gave a fuck if my family or the people around me didn’t spoke to me, and I mean, that is cool, but the problem was that the conflict accumulated to such an extent that it was not silence what I got, but a lot of discussions and conflict and you know, nothing of that really necessary, and I mean I had conflicts with my family for something as stupid as that I shaved my head, in the beginning they didn’t had troubles with that, I mean I was in 2 militarized schools, they get used to see me with my hair short, and I also get used to it, the problem occurred when they said that they were no longer going to help me with razor blades and you know. It was just the meaningless drama and conflict in the discussions, and in the school it wasn’t as difficult as it was in the home, but you know, there are always the comments and gossip here and there, and you know, an entire fuck up, also not necessary, and you know, there are like these points of justification that one use to hide and deliberately create the experience of inferiority, but I mean, give importance to people’s comments that I didn’t even talked to…what was that if not only excuses?
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the fear of conflict as an excuse to not apply forgiveness when I actually were perfectly capable of doing it, and I mean, the forgiveness is a tool to support me, so it is really absurd that I used as an excuse the fear of conflict to not apply forgiveness when that was the first thing that I had to do, what I didn’t recognized is that I desired to be part of the group and within that, I allowed myself to justify each and every single act that I knew that was dishonest, and I mean, many of them were also stupid and nonsensical bullshit, but I allowed myself to do them because I was after my own point of entertainment and acceptance and so on
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I have placed such veil within and as pictures and images in my mind of that which satisfies and stimulates the mind to fulfill the desire that maintains the very existence of the male ego
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to participate in the dishonesty to feel accepted by the classroom, even though I realized that the same point was repeated from elementary and you know, is like seeing me, as this baby that didn’t allow himself to grow
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself through placing value judgments over the experiences that I am seeing while writing them as if I were in a point of superiority to look at the experiences saying, “oh yes, I mean, that was stupid, but it is alright now to define it that way because it is in the past and I have evolved and bullshit”, when I didn’t saw that it was through the same kind of judgments that I allowed myself to go into the dishonesty
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that the Ego of the mind is the polarity manifestation of the mind as superiority to hide and cover the inferiority and insecurity I actually experience inside myself but don’t want anyone to see or notice through fear that they may judge me if they were to see me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to become the ego of the mind
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to present a deceptive presentation of myself as the ego of the mind, through presenting myself as being superior, so other may think and believe that I am the man, that I am strong and that I do not fear.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to become the ego of the mind because it was the only way I knew how to stand and become a man, to show to everyone else in my world that I am the strong and independent man.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that only the ego of the mind will seek revenge, will seek fights, will seek conflict to reassert and generate and compound itself within me as me.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that participation in the ego and as the ego is addictive
I see also that, the point in itself of isolation for me it is like that form of projecting strength, or at least that is what I have wanted to project, because I went into the manifestation of “I don’t need anyone, I can be and do the things my way when no one is around, so why the fuck would I want to have them around?”, within me I had this desire for relationships, and I would just take that as a form of dishonesty and I would ignore it, and I would also ignore the comments, the ideas, the opportunities, I would reject everything from other people, even the points that also could be windows of opportunity to change and you know, it became quite a problem to not have contacts, and this is like I just decided to close the doors and put the finger to everyone, and I mean, in the beginning it was funny, but then it really became quite a problem to play the tough guy
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to isolate me from everyone by believing that I was demonstrating that I was strong if I didn’t cared about others and like I was just pretending that they are not there, it sounds quite similar to what I have done with the people and the animals that suffer, I mean is like when one says “but I cant do anything for them and I have to worry about me and my family because I mean, maybe is they´re fault to be there and they are inferior and so on”, I had such forms of backchat within me when I was in front of people and animals that were in situations that were simply unacceptable, and apparently because one is able to just turn around and remain with the happy life, one is very strong because one accepts survival and fear and what not
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I was strong and tough when I suppressed my emotions, feelings and when I isolated myself from everyone and everything, even from my own process and my writings
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think the thought, “I don´t need anyone” and the thought “everyone are idiots” to create this experience of superiority by projecting idiocy on them, which was actually my own idiocy as the perception that I had power and control over my life
The suppression is also something that my father do, and I mean, it is something that I took from him, that “pretension of power and control by suppressing emotions and feelings”
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to copy the ego manifestation from my father, because I saw my father as the example of me, whom I idolized and I wanted to be just like him – thus – I became the ego to become my father so he may be proud of me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to become the ego of the mind, to use the ego of the mind as a defense and protection of myself through becoming the presentation of superiority so that no one may think that they have the ability to fuck with ME.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to experience a sense of pleasure, a sense of satisfaction, a sense of power when accessing in becoming the ego of the mind as me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to define the ego of the mind as power
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to become the ego of the mind to feel powerful, to feel strong and to feel indestructible – to be certain that no-one or nothing can fuck with me in any way.
I will continue on the second part of the male ego
till the next joke…