“When a fart is no longer funny, is because is real shit” -The ass-
Retaking this point from the blog “The design of Competition” and “Pornography”, in which I was looking at this construct in which I took from my particular experiences a point, which is that of “wanting to be good”, this point also had an extreme amount of similarities that I understood before in regards to sex, which will be what I am going to be sharing in this blog, enjoy!
So, …lol…, I still find resistances when I speak about who I am as masturbation.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist to speak about me as the point of masturbation because I have related such point to the energetic experience of shame and within that, showing that I am not accepting me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ashamed for speaking about masturbation as I have related such experience to a feeling of disgust of me and my body
I guess that you already know, what is it that I am going to be speaking about, which is again the point of pornography, now…,maybe you are asking, how does pornography has anything to do with “the religion of the clown”, well, I want to begin with the point, that the masturbation is something that we do in private, male or female, doesn’t matter, and we do it on particular conditions or in reaction to certain pictures or experiences, but what I am going to share, expecting that it supports in every possible way to anyone who dares to walk the process of change by themselves, (no joking)
This Clown is me, 2 years ago, and every time that I look at that picture now, I no longer have the experience that I used to have towards that picture, in the beginning I used to have “a form of respect” towards me, but only because I was a nice picture presentation, (apparently), now…when I look at it, I have a certain mixture of guilt, shame, sometimes I laugh when I look at it, when I look to the narcissistic personality standing there in the picture.
And as I shared in the blogs of Pornography, it was like the direct consequence of defining myself as a picture, but I mean, there are a lot of things that I also didn’t saw and that took me to search for such “ideal” (lets call it like that), is that I became so obsessed with the desire of sex that I pushed myself to do anything possible to become acceptable at the sight of others, and I mean, this was the consequence; I am not proud when I look at such picture, and I mean I still do exercise, but when I was standing there on that picture I was not working a support to the physical body, I was working a picture, and it is amazing how much value I placed in that picture presentation of myself because, I used to do 6 hours of exercise a day and that is all that I did in 3-4 years, that is what one could call a personality possession.
that is the first part that I am going to share in this blog with regards to competition and pornography, the second part will be in the game polarity of good and evil.
So, lets begin:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to have a perfect physical body to be able to have sex with another perfect picture presentation of a female, only considering the energetic experience that I could take from it, I mean, I didn’t even cared about who the woman was, I only wanted to have sex, and fortunately, I wasn’t able to get a relationship, because if that had happened, maybe now I will not be here sharing this, for obvious reasons.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become obsessed for getting a perfect physical body and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the physical body as just a picture presentation that I can mold and use to attain satisfaction of my personal interests
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate and abuse the physical body through placing it in separation of myself as just a nice picture presentation which is only the reflection of how I have disregarded the life existing here, I mean, I see so much animals doing amazing things, but not because they want to be strong, they do it because it is more practical to live in this world and actually to have real fun
LOL! Imagine how much fun one can have in a gym doing 6 hours of exercise a day, LOL!
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel proud of a picture presentation which represent a deification of the ego, the male ego…(nice topic, I will take it for another blog)
the picture is only the reflection of what I shared in the previous blogs about competition, I mean, I will really try to beat my friends, to be able to have the better picture presentation, but you can imagine, the kind of person that I actually was, and that is what I am going to share in the next blog, so…go for a little bit of popcorn, the show is going to continue…
till the next joke…